Sam & Max: Hit the Hoods
by Clovis15
Summary: Sam and Max go searching the Ghetto to find a man named Buff. Written back in '98.


(Scene of Sam talking on the phone, or at least listening and nodding. All the time just saying Yes.)  
  
SAM: Well bye then.  
  
MAX: Where you just nodding and say yes all the time, or were actually listening to that person?  
  
SAM: Well, I was listening, then halfway through I stopped and just kept on saying yes.  
  
MAX: Who was it?  
  
SAM: The Mayor.  
  
MAX: (Throws his head back and screams) Noooooooo!!!  
  
SAM: He's not dead Max.  
  
MAX: I can fix that.  
  
SAM: Maybe later, right now he wants us to go to the hoods to bring in a man named Buff.  
  
MAX: Sam, I don't like the idea of searching for a man named Buff in the hoods. It sounds like a movie cliché to me.  
  
SAM: It probably is, but let's find him anyways.  
  
(Sam and Max walk out of their apartment and downstairs.)  
  
MAX: What's this! (Max pulls a piece of paper off of the windshield of their squad car.)  
  
SAM: (Takes the paper from Max) It's a traffic ticket. It claims that our driving is quote: Unsafe.  
  
MAX: The only unsafe thing about our driving is to tell us it's unsafe!  
  
SAM: I remember the last person who told us our driving was unsafe.  
  
MAX: He scared me Sam.  
  
SAM: Well, the Judge bought that. Just like how she accepted that response with the Girl Scout incident.  
  
MAX: Enough reminiscing, let's get Buff!  
  
(Sam and Max get into the car.)  
  
SAM: Let's see. The key's in the ignition, and the wheels are still on, I believe we're set to go.  
  
(Sam put his foots down on the gas. The Car goes backwards into a mailbox. Upon impact the mailbox flies into the sky.)  
  
MAX: Hey, it's Air Mail!  
  
SAM: Oops, had it in reverse. Let's get going!  
  
(Sam put the car into drive, then drives for the hoods. Once in the hoods they both get out of the car.)  
  
MAX: Look at that sign Sam.  
  
SAM: What about it?  
  
MAX: It says, "Vehicles will be Stolen".  
  
SAM: I guess there is such a thing as truth in advertizing.  
  
MAX: Now if we could only find this Buff.  
  
(A man walks out from the shadows.)  
  
MAN: You want to find Buff.  
  
SAM: I guess you could say that.  
  
MAN: You'll find him in the GUNS R US.  
  
MAX: We haven't been here in a while, where might one find this establishment?  
  
MAN: It's right next to the bar SOMETHING SLEASY THIS WAY COMES.  
  
SAM: That sounds familiar, so what's in this for you?  
  
MAN: Don't worry, If I ever think of a way you can help me. I'll be sure to let you know.  
  
(Sam and Max walk off to find GUNS R US. After an hour of walking they finally arrive there.)  
  
MAX: Wow! Ever other store in the hoods is a bar.  
  
SAM: What did you expect, this is the hoods after all. Well, we're here.  
  
MAX: Sam, before we enter GUNS R US, can I ask you something?  
  
SAM: Shoot away little buddy.  
  
(Sam and Max duck as someone shoots at them.)  
  
MAX: This is the hoods we're in, never say SHOOT Sam, now for my Question. Was it a good idea to owe that man back there a favor?  
  
SAM: No, but I'm sure the script writer will be able to use that later on to create a new episode.  
  
(Sam and Max run for the store, narrowly avoiding being shot many times over. Once inside the see a sign: GUNS isle 1, BIG GUNS isle 2, BIGGER GUNS isle 3, BIGGEST GUNS isle 4, GAY GUNS isle 5)  
  
SAM: Well Max, in which Isle do you think we'll find Buff?  
  
MAX: Isle four Sam.  
  
(Sam and Max walk over to Isle four.)  
  
SAM: I've never seen so many Tanks.  
  
MAX: Isn't that Saddam Hussein?  
  
(Upon seeing them Saddam points a bazooka at Sam & Max, on the side of the bazooka the phrase CHEMICAL WARFARE is stenciled on.)  
  
SAM: (Grabs Max's hand) Stay with me if you want to live.  
  
(Sam and Max run back to the front of the store.)  
  
SAM: Okay, so buff's not behind Isle number 4. Any other ideas Max?  
  
MAX: Isle 5 maybe?  
  
SAM: Nah, I doubt Buff came here to buy some SPANKER MISSILES. Let's try Isle 3.  
  
MAX: Are you crazy, if Saddam was at Isle 4, Duke Nukem would be at Isle 3.  
  
SAM: Okay, then let's check out Isle 2.  
  
MAX: Works for me!  
  
(Sam and Max walk over to Isle 2. Isle 2 is lined with Machines guns and assault riffles.)  
  
MAX: It's Buff!  
  
SAM: This may come off as a cheesy Pun Max but, LET'S GET BUFF!  
  
(Upon seeing them, Buff turns to run, but before he can Max jumps him. The camera rotates so you can see Sam's face. Behind him you see a shadow of Max pummeling Buff. The word one hour later flash across the screen. Sam and Max are now standing outside of the store, to there left is police wagon which the half dead buff is being loaded into.)  
  
MAYOR: Thank you Sam and Max, this criminal has been threatening my life for some time now.  
  
MAX: What, we should've let him go then.  
  
MAYOR: You're such a kidder Max.  
  
SAM: I don't think he was kidding.  
  
(Every one turns to look at the store as Bill Clinton walks out of it)  
  
SAM: I didn't see you in the store Mr. President.  
  
BILL: I was just picking up a few things for my girlfriend Monica Lewinsky in isle 5.  
  
THE END 


End file.
